January 6th...an Epiphany?

So, here we are already six days into the new year and here comes the day to take take down all the Christmas cheer. In my house growing up, this we would be when we were to take down the tree and decorations before or on this day, to ensure good luck for the year. The epiphany is a Christian celebration of the incarnation of Jesus, but not being very religious myself, I see it as the end of the all holiday celebration.

So, anyway, here I am taking each ornament down, one by one, looking at them all as I place them in a box labeled: "You won't even touch me for one more year", I somehow find it extra hard this year. As I hug the surprisingly bountifully, and large tree that barely fits into our tiny apartment, trying to swing the lights around the back, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I know it sounds cliche, but it is the straight truth of how I feel at that moment. I keep the lights on as long as possible, not unplugging those beautiful, sparkling 100 count mini-multi-colored lights that will get impossibly tangled somehow by next year. I am trying to stuff everything, all the Christmas decorations into one old printer box that will sit on a the top shelf of our closet.

So, everything is gone; the tree is bare. Sometimes it is so hard to let go, even just a silly, small thing like a Christmas tree. This was my first Christmas away from my family, and it really wasn't that bad considering I got to spend it with my wonderful boyfriend, just the two us. But I think I am just feeling sadness about so many things, and they seem so out of control. It is uncertainty that gets you every time. Not knowing when things will be get better for you or your family, or even the country.

So, as I stand there next to the bare tree, the room suddenly feels freezing, even though I live in California and it is 59 degrees out. I feel a longing for the holiday season to live on. I know it can't though, especially since I just took down all the decorations because I don't want to give myself bad luck. Though, my parents tend to follow this "good luck" thing every year, they have had terrible luck in the past few years. So, maybe it doesn't matter. I know there is really nothing in this whole superstition, but if I don't use this as an excuse to clean the house of holiday, I fear I would never strip it down. Yes, eventually the tree would die, a slow death, and it would have to be removed, but we all like to prolong the inevitable sometimes, don't we?

I will miss most of all the smell of the tree as I walk in the door each day, covering up other not so pleasant scents. The holidays are cruel in these ways, but I would never, ever give them up for anything. I know a lot of people think Christmas etc. is too commercialized and is just one big headache, but the ironic thing for me, is that by not traveling anywhere and not getting to spend the holiday with my family, this was one of the least stressful Christmases I've ever had. I guess that is how the world works, eh?

So, as I finish writing this piece, I am munching on the last few Christmas cookies we have hanging around-surprisingly the still taste pretty good. I guess once I am done with those, the holidays will be completely gone. Well, except for the extra fat hanging around my ass from all those damn holiday goodies. I guess there is no real epiphany for me this year, just the same things I have knows all along. Thank you Christmas, I can't wait to see you next year.


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